Friday, December 9, 2011

Sunny days ahead

It's middle of December and this month has been nothing but crazy busy! Between my job, shows where we sell our shirts and determination to create, create and create even more I keep forgetting to eat and sleep. And oh how much I love to eat and sleep. So today I took a break. I have a show that I am working this week/weekend but this morning I had nothing. For a moment after I woke up I just laid in my bed watching the sun peeking into my bedroom. It was time for a walk! Just a quick hike around my neighbourhood and the first thing I noticed was a flower blooming on one of our bushes. That can't be. The bush should have no flowers until early spring. I touched it and smelled the sweet aroma of spring. Oh yeah I know it's only December but spring is coming and with that there are sunny days ahead. Literally and figuratively speaking. Deep breath. Inhale... Exhale.. and again. I stood there for a moment with my eyes closed showered with warm December sun. Another deep breath. I opened my eyes and could not stop smiling. It's time to let go of all sorrows, all disappointments and hurt. It's time to welcome HOPE into my life. Hope is the word for today. Hope that my parents will receive visas and be able to come to our wedding, hope that James will find the career that will make him happy, hope that tomorrows will always be better no matter how disappointing todays are. Hope that this time I will find strength to follow my heart. This time I will stand strong, believe in my self, follow my heart, and stick to the plan. All I can feel is love. I let go and now I feel loved. Interesting change. He loves me nad He will be with me every step of my journey. And James loves me. He loves me so much he supports every silly idea I have. I have love and support... and I have hope. Deep breath... inhale.. exhale... Time to walk inside and create again. Sunny days are ahead no matter how hard the journey is going to be.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Tree of Hope

I'm angry. I cried and screamed at God and now I'm just angry. My parents and brother won't be able to come to our wedding, their visas were denied today. The house all the sudden feels tiny and the walls are getting so close to me. I escape. I'm in my studio sitting in front of blank canvas looking outside. The bright sun is blinding me and drying of the tears. I grab some paper. All  I can feel today is black and red. I cut paper, glue it. Black paint. I'm still crying. I grab some bark, some branches, I put them together like a puzzle. A Tree. It looks strong, branches reaching out to the skies, desperately calling for change, for hope. Are you there? Are you listening to me? I asked, I begged. Where are you? I cure the wood and glue it piece by piece onto the canvas. The anger is gone, the disappointment settled, the hope is overpowering all other emotions. The Tree shines in golds and whites against the dark angry background. Deep in my soul I have Hope.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

7 hours

I've been awake and busy at the studio all day today. The whole week I was dying to be here and to put together my very first piece! Paper, gel, more gel, copper paint, sticks, bark... 7 hours. I've been doing it for 7 hours with no breaks. Amazing considering the fact that my attention span doesn't go beyond  10 minutes. 7 most amazing hours. I have glue in my hair. My fingers are covered with a lot of color. My face hurts from smiling. In my head I hear the sound of Here Comes The Sun and it's not going away. My heart is pounding and I'm breathing like I just run 5 miles. It's done. My very first Tree is done. "My Soul is Resilient". Do I remember writing it? The whole 7 hours seems like a blur. I look down, there on the table lays my first piece of mixed-media art. I did it. I don't remember doing it but I did it. Is it possible that I was so into creating it that I went to another dimension in my brain? Wherever I was had to be an awesome place.  I walk away. I breath. In and out... In and out... I come back. I can feel the breeze going through the branches, smell the wind. My first Tree is alive.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

It's happening

I got all my art supplies in the mail and from Michaels this week! It looks like a bunch of random boxes and things laying around and I look quite crazy carrasing every item. Oh it feels good to look at my floor and see the future in bright colors - literally ;) I love my very aqua and very orange acrylics. I hinted around to James that I will need some space for all my artsy stuff and now I'm seeing what he thinks about it all. He brought tall desk tables and a book shelve into a dining room and prenounced it "Mon's". Eeeeek I am beyond myslef!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

What is happening...?

Just a few days ago I found within me who I was and what I who I wanted to be. In those few very short days I panicked. What was I thinking? Laugh! Are you crazy? More laugh! Come on, wake up and face the reality! No, I am not going to talk myself out of it this time. I've dome it so many times and every time I starved to paint. Do I really like painting? Do i? Did I put my brushes away million times because I don't like painting? Paper, orange pen, list - I need to make a list. I'm an artist - what do I like to do...

How east was that? I want to do mixed-media. Yeah - that feels right.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I'm an Artist

Deep breath. The deepest I ever took. And then I walk into the living room where James is watching a game on TV. Another deep breath. 'Honey?' His eyes are on me. 'I decided to be an artist.' Silence. Will he laugh? Will he roll his eyes? 'Babes, that's awesome. I'm proud of you!'. Smile. WOW I feel somehow FREE right now. Was I suppressing it all inside for all these years. I run into the garage. Where is the box with my art? We really need to unpack this garage. Uh oh here are my supplies. Where is the other box? Why are all the boxes so heavy. Box labeled 'paintings' staring at me asking to be opened. I reach slowly and pull out the first piece I ever painted. A tall wave from Florida's ocean fills my mind with the smells and sounds of Destin beaches. I painted it so long ago with so little knowledge of who I really was. Now I know. Deep in my soul I love beauty of art in any shape and form. I create pretty things every day. I fold napkins into origami, I decorate plates while serving dinners, I cut and glue and fold and paint. I create art with every breath I take. I see beauty in everything I look at. Patterns on the grass, rainbow colors in the flowers, shapes on the skies. World is beautiful and that's how I see it. I'm not a banker, I'm not a teacher, I'm not a gardener, I'm not a cook. I'm an Artist. Deep breath. Just like that I discover who I am. Smile, a big one that unable me to close my mouth. All the sudden I feel whole. Thank you God for letting me get here so soon.