Just a few days ago I found within me who I was and what I who I wanted to be. In those few very short days I panicked. What was I thinking? Laugh! Are you crazy? More laugh! Come on, wake up and face the reality! No, I am not going to talk myself out of it this time. I've dome it so many times and every time I starved to paint. Do I really like painting? Do i? Did I put my brushes away million times because I don't like painting? Paper, orange pen, list - I need to make a list. I'm an artist - what do I like to do...
How east was that? I want to do mixed-media. Yeah - that feels right.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Deep breath. The deepest I ever took. And then I walk into the living room where James is watching a game on TV. Another deep breath. 'Honey?' His eyes are on me. 'I decided to be an artist.' Silence. Will he laugh? Will he roll his eyes? 'Babes, that's awesome. I'm proud of you!'. Smile. WOW I feel somehow FREE right now. Was I suppressing it all inside for all these years. I run into the garage. Where is the box with my art? We really need to unpack this garage. Uh oh here are my supplies. Where is the other box? Why are all the boxes so heavy. Box labeled 'paintings' staring at me asking to be opened. I reach slowly and pull out the first piece I ever painted. A tall wave from Florida's ocean fills my mind with the smells and sounds of Destin beaches. I painted it so long ago with so little knowledge of who I really was. Now I know. Deep in my soul I love beauty of art in any shape and form. I create pretty things every day. I fold napkins into origami, I decorate plates while serving dinners, I cut and glue and fold and paint. I create art with every breath I take. I see beauty in everything I look at. Patterns on the grass, rainbow colors in the flowers, shapes on the skies. World is beautiful and that's how I see it. I'm not a banker, I'm not a teacher, I'm not a gardener, I'm not a cook. I'm an Artist. Deep breath. Just like that I discover who I am. Smile, a big one that unable me to close my mouth. All the sudden I feel whole. Thank you God for letting me get here so soon.