Friday, December 9, 2011
It's middle of December and this month has been nothing but crazy busy! Between my job, shows where we sell our shirts and determination to create, create and create even more I keep forgetting to eat and sleep. And oh how much I love to eat and sleep. So today I took a break. I have a show that I am working this week/weekend but this morning I had nothing. For a moment after I woke up I just laid in my bed watching the sun peeking into my bedroom. It was time for a walk! Just a quick hike around my neighbourhood and the first thing I noticed was a flower blooming on one of our bushes. That can't be. The bush should have no flowers until early spring. I touched it and smelled the sweet aroma of spring. Oh yeah I know it's only December but spring is coming and with that there are sunny days ahead. Literally and figuratively speaking. Deep breath. Inhale... Exhale.. and again. I stood there for a moment with my eyes closed showered with warm December sun. Another deep breath. I opened my eyes and could not stop smiling. It's time to let go of all sorrows, all disappointments and hurt. It's time to welcome HOPE into my life. Hope is the word for today. Hope that my parents will receive visas and be able to come to our wedding, hope that James will find the career that will make him happy, hope that tomorrows will always be better no matter how disappointing todays are. Hope that this time I will find strength to follow my heart. This time I will stand strong, believe in my self, follow my heart, and stick to the plan. All I can feel is love. I let go and now I feel loved. Interesting change. He loves me nad He will be with me every step of my journey. And James loves me. He loves me so much he supports every silly idea I have. I have love and support... and I have hope. Deep breath... inhale.. exhale... Time to walk inside and create again. Sunny days are ahead no matter how hard the journey is going to be.
Monday, December 5, 2011
I'm angry. I cried and screamed at God and now I'm just angry. My parents and brother won't be able to come to our wedding, their visas were denied today. The house all the sudden feels tiny and the walls are getting so close to me. I escape. I'm in my studio sitting in front of blank canvas looking outside. The bright sun is blinding me and drying of the tears. I grab some paper. All I can feel today is black and red. I cut paper, glue it. Black paint. I'm still crying. I grab some bark, some branches, I put them together like a puzzle. A Tree. It looks strong, branches reaching out to the skies, desperately calling for change, for hope. Are you there? Are you listening to me? I asked, I begged. Where are you? I cure the wood and glue it piece by piece onto the canvas. The anger is gone, the disappointment settled, the hope is overpowering all other emotions. The Tree shines in golds and whites against the dark angry background. Deep in my soul I have Hope.