Tuesday, February 14, 2012


Last month I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and started a life long battle praying it would go into remission. Drug after drug I started feeling more distanced from myself and life and the scary words that came out from the mouth of my doctor hunted me every second of the day ‘you are going blind’. How can that be? Now? Now that I finally concurred the fear and spread my artistic wings? Blind. No way MR. DOCTOR. According to all the study I've one only 7 out of 10 patients in my condition looses their sight. I am going to be one of the 3 out of 10. Watch me. I am going to see.

Yesterday was a nice sunny day. If you have ever been to the Carolinas you would know that the sunsets are amazing here. The clear blue skies often change colors into reds, pinks and oranges and small cuddly clouds take over the view. Every evening I stand outside looking up at the sky in a complete awe. Yesterday I looked long enough for the sun to completely go down. Then I closed my eyes. Is this what I will see when I’m ‘blind’? My eyes were shot and I could see the perfect sunset. First I saw the one from yesterday, then the slideshow started and the view of the skies form the day before replaced the first image. Can I recall the one before and the one before that one? Can I see James’s face and the adorable freckle on his lip? Can I ‘see’ a Christmas tree? I sat down at my table and started composing a tree with closed eyes. The tree branches felt weird at first but then my imagination took over. Oh my! My fingers started ‘seeing’ what my closed eyes couldn’t. Then I paused, I got scared. How bad will it look like? Well it looked unfinished and I will have to spend many more hours completing it. But it was perfect. What happened was what I hoped for.  My fingers projected what was in my soul onto the canvas. Blind=Inspired. Blind=Brave. Blind=Possible.  3 out of 10. 30% chances. P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E.