Sunday, September 23, 2012

Giving up what you love for what you love more

Have you ever felt like you wanted to let something go for something you loved even more? Our hearts are so huge and our lives are so long we think we have space for everything we love in it. But then there are moments when we realize that it’s time to make a change, to close one little door and open another one that will bring so much into our lives. So often we are stubborn about locking that door and throwing away the key. We are afraid of the change and we want others to change for us so we can stay in our cozy environment. This year was going to be a year of changes for me and I knew that would challenge me to close many doors. I promised myself that every decision I’ll make will be based on the feeling of I really want to do it because I love something/someone more than I love this. I won’t go over the long list of all the things I’ve changed in my life but I would like to share one of the most recent ones. To some of you it may seem silly, to me it was a decision I contemplated on for a long time.
Our house was divided. Our friend John mentioned it in his speech during our wedding (awesome speech!!!). He said the opposites attract (I know there will be a blog post about that in a near future) and asked all of our Seminoles friends to do the chop. Ugh I cringed a bit hahahah. Then he asked all the Gators fans to chomp. Yeah baby!!! I did the chomp with a bittersweet feeling. My sweet Gators will always be in my heart behind a door that I just closed. The last couple of football seasons were sort of torturous for me and James. We even got into huge argument ones because the Noles hurt my RB. I hid James’s bottle opener that played that ‘ugly Noles’ song and he kept changing the channel away from the Gators games. We even bickered about our Gators and Seminoles Christmas ornaments – which one will be hanging higher, which one will be more visible. We don’t have kids yet but we already argued about which team they will follow. Not to make it sound like we fought tons about it but we definitely bickered quite a bit. Healthy bickering type. The Gators were my thing, I loved the orange and blue, I loved the idea of painting little Albert on our kids faces. I loved James more. I loved how his eyes lit up when Noles scored a TD. I loved seeing him all excited when our friend’s 3 year old daughter did the chop. I loved his kid like excitement every Christmas when his mom and I bought him tons of Noles gear. I loved all those moments and it was breaking my heart that I could not share them with him. I gave up the Gators that I loved for James and our life together that I loved more. I decided to tell him that on our wedding day with his wedding gift. He was happy but I don’t think either of us realized then how it was going to impact our life together.
As a part of the wedding gift I bough James two tickets to the FSU-Clemson game in Tallahassee which we attended yesterday. This weekend, for the first time since we’ve met, we enjoyed a college football game together. We drove to Tallahassee on Friday and I have to say I was a bit skeptical about my ability not to roll my eyes every time I saw a Noles sticker on a car. Well what helped was the smile challenge. My subconscious tricked me that day! I challenged myself to smile every time I saw a red car and since 70% of Noles fans drive red cars I smiled pretty much every time I saw the team logo. Why did I pick the red? Tricky tricky subconscious! It is my favorite color after all! James showed me around that day, took me to the places he used to hang out at, and drove me by his old apartment. I learned so much about my husband and his partying abilities hahah By the time we were going to the stadium on Saturday I forgot that Gators played that day (shame on me I don’t even know who they played), I stopped noticing that everyone was shouting spelling f-l-o-r-i-d-a s-t-a-t-e every five minutes and I caught myself enjoying the cowgirl hat with a Seminoles logo James bought me that day. James was SO pumped. I was pumped. We were pumped together. His eyes sparkled! I love when he’s so excited that his eyes sparkle! The game was intense and there were times we thought the Noles were going to disappoint that day but at the end they won the game. And somehow I felt like I won something great too.
The whole thing made me consider giving up on many other things in my life. Replacing them with others that I know I will love more and that would bring endless opportunities. Somehow between shouting f-l-o-r-i-d-a s-t-a-t-e, chopping, wearing that silly hat and wanting a Seminoles sticker on my face I became brave. Brave enough to close the doors that once brought possibilities into my life but now were just holding me back.
This year’s challenge continues. It is, after all, a big year of changes!
It doesn't take much to make him smile :)

I made it official. Good bye Gators.

It was an awesome speach

Chomp Chomp

Surprise groom's cake
Wedding pics were taken by my talented friend Lauren

He's a very happy man

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